March 18, 2011

America's Next Top Model - Cycle 16 (Episode 04 / Francesco Carrozzini)

Last time, on America's Next Top Model... stuff happened, a girl went home and, unfortunately, Alexandria got best pic of the week. Boooooo!

As Tyra handed Alexandria her picture, she tempered the best pic praise with a warning: "Bad attitudes will not be tolerated." Yaaaaaaay!

Alexandria seemed to take that to heart. In the diary room, she, basically, says that she doesn't want to come off as a person with a bad attitude. Okay. That's odd, because she's so good at it.


Kasia, Jaclyn, Dalya and Brittani are sitting around the table bemoaning the fact that Alexandria got best picture, this week.

Brittani says, she's surprised, because real top models are so unbitchy and not divas at all. *cough*

Two Words: Naomi Campbell. With or without a weaponized cell phone in her hand, that woman strikes fear into the hearts of maids, limo drivers and sycophants the world over.

It seems that the consensus, in the house, is that they all, pretty much, hate Alexandria and really, really want her to go home.


The models head over to a seedy looking warehouse, for a runway challenge.

Miss Jay greets them and tells them that they will be modeling the latest collection from Geoffrey Mac. Yaaaaaaay!

Oh yeah, and the runway will be ON FIRE! Umm...

Anytime I feel the need to question the stunts on this show, I hear this little voice in my head.. "It's Tyra's vision, girl. Just go with it." Then, I do another shot of tequila.

As the models are staring wide-eyed at the flaming runway, Miss Jay says:
"There's one more thing. *DRAMATIC PAUSE* Did I happen to mention that we'll, also, be lighting YOU on fire, tonight?!"

Say, WHAT?! Seriously, maybe somebody needs to alert OSHA to these dangerous working conditions, because, I mean... "It's Tyra's vision, girl. Just go with it."

Miss Jay sends the models off to hair, makeup and to get set on fire.

Oh, so just their hands will be on fire? And, they'll be wearing protective gloves? What a jip!

Needless to say, no one caught on fire or had a stop, drop and roll moment.

I'll tell you what WAS on fire! Dayla's runway walk. See what I just did, there? See?!

Dalya won the runway challenge, because she was fierce.

At the end of the runway challenge, Miss Jay critiqued each model's walk. The worst walkers were Sara, Hannah and Kasia.

Because they were the worst walkers... and needed more walking practice, Miss Jay told them that they would be walking home.

They were surprised.

So, they walk home.

They try to make the best of it by staging an impromptu runway (sidewalk) strut. But, ya know, they still kind of suck at the runway walkiness.

As soon as the three worst walkers arrive back at the Ponderosa...


The mail mentions "causing a scene," which the models quickly decipher to mean ACTING! Oh. No!

A script gets delivered and the models get to work memorizing their lines.

The commercial is a throwback to the 60s, a la Mad Men. There's a Don Draper type ad exec sitting behind his desk. He's agonizing over how he's going to make coffee sexy.

Enter two sexy secretaries who, sexily, help him come up with a sexy ad campaign... that is sexy.

A few of the models have difficulty bringing the sexy, especially Sara. Sara fancies herself a feminist and obviously feels a bit awkward doing this sillyass, fake commercial. I can't say that I blame her.

Uh ohhh...

It's that time, again. Time for the models to stand before the judges, and be critiqued, as if any of them really have a chance to be successful models.

Francesco Carrozzini, who appears to be around 4' 7", is guest judging this week.

Along with the judges, we, the viewers are forced to sit through all of the models' really bad commercials. Then, the judges do what they do.

During Alexandria's critique, Francesco narcs her out and says she was trying to direct other models and, generally, trying to run the show.

Ty Ty is not amused to hear this.

Bottom two this week..

Sara and Alexadria.

Could it be that Alexandria is finally going home?!

Booooooo, Sara is asked to pack up her makeup bag and go home. :-( I really liked Sara. Cute, quirky, funny. But, alas, not a Top Model.

Be sure to join me next time for another snark filled adventure as I recap America's Next Top Model!

Comments and feedback always welcome. Also, feel free to stalk me on The Twitter @XanxiuZ.

1 comment:

  1. @Deegley7:48 PM

    "As soon as the three worst walkers arrive back at the Ponderosa..."
    Best line of the recap. Since I don't actually watch ANTM lines like this paint the perfect picture.