On the Gay Lady spectrum, I fall somewhere between "Butch" and "Only Wears Makeup on Special Occasions"


I own, about, 25 pairs of shoes. Mostly skate shoes, a few pairs of flip flops, a couple of pairs of Doc Martens, and one lonely pair of flats that I've worn, maybe, 3 times.

Around the house, I'm the "fixer." Shit breaks down or stops working, that's all me. Computer having problems? Yep, that's me, too. Spiders? Umm... that would be my sister's department. My super girly, always touching up her makeup, looking in the mirror, flirting with cute guys, high heels wearing sister!

I used to think that, like most people, I just didn't like bugs. They're creepy and crawly and, generally disgusting. Anything that low to the ground and moves that fast is not to be trusted. Don't even get me started on babies and elves!

I suspected that my dislike for bugs had become a full blown phobia the first time I had to call my sister downstairs to deal with a, particularly menacing looking, spider that was lurking in the kitchen.

Thinking back on it, I'm pretty sure the spider had a knife.

My sister came downstairs, wearing her favorite multi-colored toe socks, murdered the spider, then looked at me with, what I can only describe as a mixture of disdain and smugness. No remorse for killing the spider, though. That concerned me. I mean, shouldn't there be some remorse? I know it's just a bug. But, still.

Here's the thing. If some grown ass human gets in your face, I got your back. I'm right there to handle what needs handling. I'll even backhand a toddler, if necessary.

BUT, if a cricket steps to you with bad intentions? Guess what? My ass will be in the car. Engine running. Radio on, listening to Love Songs with Delilah.

Oh yeah, I'm not crazy about birds, either. *cough*

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