July 27, 2009

Top 10 reasons to unfollow someone on Twitter.

Twitter! All the kids are doin' it! The truth of it is, Twitter, just like any new social networking tool that becomes popular attracts annoying, stupid, uninteresting people. These people feel perfectly comfortable polluting the Twitter stream of consciousness with insipid comments. Honestly, if I encountered some of these people in person and their conversation was comprised of the same things they talk about on Twitter, I would get up and walk away.. while they were talking. Harsh? Maybe. Necessary so that I keep my sanity and do not murder them? Absolutely!

So, in my desire to help new Twitterers avoid some of the pitfalls of Twitter life, here's my top 10 list of reasons to immediately unfollow someone on Twitter.

You should immediately unfollow someone if they...

10) ...continually break the TMI rule. I have no desire to know that you think your 6 year old son might be gay. Really?

9) ...post so rarely, that when you see a tweet from them, your first thought is, "who the hell is that?" Also, they only tweet really depressing, obscure lyrics from emo artists.

8) ...routinely use way too many question marks or exclamation points in their tweets. A question is not more of a question if you add 17 question marks at the end, it's just fucking annoying!!!!!!!

7) ...use the phrase 'NO HOMO' - the person using that phrase is usually the only one thinking about potential homo action. That means the person using the 'NO HOMO' phrase is probably 'YES HOMO!'

6) ...routinely post tweets comprised of nothing but the current trending topics. This is the worst kind of Twitterer, because a) they have absolutely nothing to say and b)they still want people to follow them. These people should be shunned, immediately.

5) ...actively participates in really stuping trending topics. Anything Jonas Bros or Miley Cyrus related is an automatic FAIL!

4) ...unnecessarily abbreviates words when they are not even close to the 140 character limit. Either they are illiterate or just seriously lazy.

3) ...continuously posts really stupid tweets. Everybody posts lame or stupid tweets from time to time, it happens. But, if you are following someone who is a copious purveyor of seriously stupid tweets, you should unfollow them immediately.

2) ...are currently following Tila Tequila. Really, there is absolutely no wiggle room on this one. I have to admit, some "friends" tricked me into following her.. for 36 hours. In those 36 hours, I lost 72 IQ points AND the ability to discern between good and bad touches. Just say NO to Tila Teqila!

1) ...is not following you back. If they are just some regular Joe or Jane Schmoe (IE, not some superfuckin' awesome celebrity type, a person you admire or a person you are actively stalking), why would you continue to follow them if they are not following you?

I'm just trying to help people.. because, I am a helper.