October 17, 2009

America's Next Top Model: Cycle 13(Ep#7) - Fierce Little Ninjas!

Previously on America's Next Top Model... Somebody got sent home.

The snarkfest begins with Nicole being upset because she doesn't think her personality is shining through.

In fact, Tyra told her that she had "lost all of her magic." Nicole is determined to change that and show us her real personality... Someday.

Meanwhile, in another room, Kara - using her pre-op tranny voice - tells the rest
of the modelettes that she's now casting for her new musical, "America's Next Top Model: The Musical"

Doesn't she know that Tyra will cut a bitch for messin' with any of Bankable Productions' shit?

The uber blonde girl get's up to "audition" for the new musical, and basically, makes fun of the fact that Laura is from the country and, quite possibly, a hillbilly.

Laura's a good sport and smiles through uber blondy's singing imitation of her. But, you just know that she's gonna put in a call to her uncle, Papa Jupiter, so that uber blonde girl can be dealt with, post-haste!

After the girls have sufficiently calmed down after receiving, yet, another piece
of Tyra mail!, the mean bitches decide that it's time to talk trash about Nicole... Again.

Kara: We should just vote Nicole off the island.
Rae: It's not her lack of social skills, it's a
lack of feeling... It's a lack of soul.
Kara: She has the social graces of a fetus.

The mean girls all cackle in unison.

Okay, even though I kind of loathe Kara, that social graces of a fetus comment
was priceless and I will be using it!

Moving on...

The girls head off to revisit the Wilhelmina Modeling Agency to meet up with Wilhelmina CEO, Sean Patterson. Sean is standing next to, yet, another supermodel named Lauren Shiohama.

Sean tells the modelettes that they are about to experience "a day in the life
of a real working model."

The girls are informed that they are all going on go-sees to meet potential clients. The girls will meet with fashion designers and casting directors
for their auditions.

They are broken up into teams of two, given their own car to get around LA in
and a map. This shit has Lucy and Ethel written all over it.

The girls race around LA from trying to complete all five go-sees within four hours.

There's not as much go-see drama as on previous seasons, unfortunately. In fact, they all play rather well together. Boring!

The fashion designers and casting directors have various critiques for the girls, ranging from positive to just mean.

Nicole gets really good feedback while Kara, not so much. One of the designers
said that Kara did not look well put together and that her hair looked greasy. Another designer described her as "scruffy". That can't be good.

In front of the casting director's, the girls are asked if they do any accents. Laura's was my favorite. She described it as "hoodrat" but it's more like a Gaelic hoodrat.

One of the casting directors had this to say about Sundai...

Casting Director: Sundai, she's very limited in what she can give us, so it
would have to be for a very specific job calling for what Sundai can offer.

Translation: If we are casting for a Kool-Aid or Popeye's chicken commercial, we will consider Sundai.

As they were driving around LA with their maps, I found myself really hoping
that one of the teams would get lost in East LA. Ohhh, what fun that would
be to see.

All of the teams make it back to Wilhelmina in time except Rae and Sundai.

Sean P. is not amused that Rae and Sundai were late getting back. He reads them the riot act and tells them to leave the room and he'll deal with them later.

The expression on his face never really changes and he doesn't raise his voice,
but, I'm pretty sure that he is kind of pissed.

Sean and Lauren give the modelettes their feedback and then reveal the winner...

Back at the ranch, all the girls gather around Nicole and her lovely prizes from
the last challenge.

One of the uber blonde girls says, "they might have just wanted you to win."
Without missing a beat, Nicole shoots back, "no, I earned this." And that,
ladies and gentlemen, is how you shut down a jealous beotch.

Speaking of jealous beotches...

Kara and Sundai resume their "we hate Nicole" trash talking fest. Kara is still having difficulty understanding why Nicole is doing so well and she is not.

Hmm, yeah... I wonder why you're not doing better in this competition either.
Hmm, yeah.


The girls head off to a martial arts studio to learn the ways of martial artistness and how to use weapons... while up on a wire!

I'll be honest, I kind of lost interest at this point.

Because I believe that video ALWAYS enhances an experience, here's one of Nicole critiquing Kara's smokey eye makeup. My favorite part of this clip is Sundai's reaction at the end.

Back at the crib, the girls are comparing bruises they all got from wearing the martial arts harness.

Why does the word 'harness' conjure up so many dirty thoughts? yeah, right, it's just me.

Sundai is concerned that she may be the one sent home because she knows that her performance at the last shoot sucked, PLUS, she pissed off Sean Patterson by being late back from her go-sees.

The next morning is judgment day and one of the girls will no longer be in the running to be America's Next Top Model.

The guest judge this week is supermodel Jessica White. Jessica is hot and you can tell that she knows it.

The girls are super impressed that Jessica has been in the SI Swimsuit edition
seven times.

Each girl strolls up and has their picture critiqued by the judges. Then they
all leave so the judges can decide which one of them sucks the most.

I love Tyra's serious face as she's about to take the hopes and dreams of some poor delusional young girl and crush them.

Nicole wins best picture of the week. The two modelettes who suck the most are...

No surprise that Kara and Sundai are in the bottom two this week. Tyra laments
that Kara has a great face but no passion. Sundai is the underdog but needs to
be more versatile.

So, who's going home this week?

Kara is asked to pack up her makeup bag and go. Even though Kara was definitely
not my favorite, for a variety of reasons, I felt kind of bad for her at the end.

Ahh well, that's life in the big city, kids. Be sure to join me every Saturday
for a new snark infested, fun-filled ANTM recappery.

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