July 30, 2010

The thing about being unemployed is...

... Beyond feeling like a complete failure at life and a hobo, you have waaaaay too much free time on your hands. I'm the type of person who does not manage idle time well, at all. My mind wanders, I get distracted by cool stuff, etc. Basically, I want to do things when I feel like doing them AND get paid for it. But, that shit is not conducive to any kind of productivity.

I expressed this to my mom the other day, and she blurts out, "it's not too late to become a criminal. Criminals don't have schedules. Remember when you used to steal quarters out of my purse?" Geez, I can't believe that she's still bitter about a few quarters. Let it go, mom, let it go!

This morning, I spent 20 minutes trying to telepathically will an empty toilet paper tube into the garbage. I'm pretty sure that I saw it move, just a smidge. Either I have burgeoning telepathic powers or that ant that I lost sight of was trapped underneath the tube, fighting for its life.

You know what would be awesome?! If I just showed up at my old job, dressed as the one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and just started chatting people up and firing off imaginary emails. I wonder how long it would take for someone to say something to the weird Ninja Turtle loitering in the break room, sipping coffee while smoking a cigar and a cigarette at the same time?

The people at my old job are pretty much non-confrontational hippy types, so, they probably wouldn't do anything until I left for lunch.