It seems like with every new cycle of America's Next Top Model, the contestants look less and less like models and more and more like random girls you see working at the food court. If this trend continues, ANTM: Cycle 27 will be comprised of girls who kind of look like your cousin, ya' know, the one who resembles Bookman from Good Times.

The snarkfest begins with the girls having to go on a big adventure to meet with the president of Wilhelmina Models, Sean Patterson. Sean is decked out in skinny jeans, a pink button down shirt and a vest. STYLISH!

Sean, by the way, could not be more underwhelmed at meeting all of these super short girls, because he knows that none of them will make it in the modeling business. He's just going through the motions because he's afraid of Tyra. Sean explains to the petite model wannabes that being a model is hard, and it's even harder for short girls.

One by one, Nigel and Sean invite the girls into a room for a 3way some conversation and a little catwalking. They sit behind their big, fancy desk and make catty comments about the girls after they've left the room.

Sean and Nigel emerge from their chamber of doom and inform the girls that one of them will be going home, like, right now!


Sean P: Unfortunately, there's no easy way to say what I'm about to say to you guys... But, one of you doesn't have what it takes to be a Wilhelmina model.
Only one? Really? You sure, Vesty?

Rachel, when she still believed in Santa Claus!


Rachel, after she got the news that Santa had been killed in a shootout with the DEA!


Awww, poor Rachel. Who knew that large, freakishly wide set eyes was not top model material?

The two uber blonde girls were so traumatized by Rachel's sudden departure, their heads spontaneously became conjoined...

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

Jennifer admits that she's sad that Rachel is gone, but she's really happy for herself. Oh yeah, she's still a bit concerned about her lazy eye.

The next day, the girls go on a mock photo shoot where they encounter a mean photographer. He's yelling at them and calling them dwarfs.

SUDDENLY, Smize appears and comes to the girls' defense!


Smize is going to vanquish the evil photographer and then teach the girls how to smile with their eyes, YAY!

This is probably my favorite scene from this episode because Tyra is in full on crazy mode. She instructs the girls on the basics of smizing, and tells them to think of something delicious. Tyra asks Courtney what she's thinking about. Courtney says she's thinking about pizza, then Tyra says... Oh here, just watch the clip!

video

The look on Courtney's face communicated everything viewers were thinking at that moment. Something to the effect of, "Bitch, you crazy!"

After they graduate from Tyra's Smize Academy, they head over to the racetrack so they can put their smizing skills to use. They all take boring pictures atop horses. Bianca looks like a drag queen and everybody seems bored.

Back at the house, Courtney is complaining about her broken foot and having to wear the boot during the photo shoot. Courtney doesn't know it, but we seasoned ANTM viewers know that this means she's a goner.

The girls go to meet with the judges - Miss Jay, Nigel and special guest judge Lauren Conrad. Everytime I see Lauren Conrad I can't help but ask, "why is this chick on my TV?" What exactly does she do?

This week, the bottom two are...

Alas, Courtney was asked to pack up her makeup bag and go. Awww, poor Courtney and her broken foot. I was hoping that she would last longer. Oh well, that's life in the big city, kids.

Be sure to join me every Friday for my ANTM recaps. Comments, feedback always welcome.

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