April 20, 2009

Hey faux hawk dude in the Palms casino parking lot...

I am silently judging you!

I find going out to the local casinos and gambling away my (not so) hard earned money to be relaxing. Even though the casinos in Vegas seem to be overrun with old ladies wearing hideously ugly sweaters with cats and birds embroidered all over them, I usually enjoy my time there. Sometimes I lose, and sometimes I lose, but, it's usually enjoyable.

Speaking of old ladies who loiter in casinos.. I'm convinced that the reason so many senior ladies have a bit of a hump in their back is not due to osteoporosis, NO! It's all of those fucking players cards they have dangling from around their necks. The average old lady in a casino is carrying an extra 20 pounds around her neck because she has 27,000 players cards hanging from that damn day-glo green lanyard. And, they always know exactly which card to grab, which they usually do just as you both are moving towards the same slot machine. It's their non-verbal way of saying "don't even think about it, 'cause I will cut a bitch!"

Last Saturday night, I'm in The Palms casino parking lot getting ready to leave. I see this dude standing off to the side having an animated conversation on his cell phone. It's obviously an important conversation 'cause a) it's 2am on a Saturday night, b) he's got a really severe faux hawk and c) his shirt is very tight and quite shiny.

As I'm marveling at his super fantastic do and that shiny, tight shirt, he just whips it out and takes a piss right there in the fuckin' Palms casino parking lot! WHAT?!

He was just so casual about it.. cell phone in one hand, junk in the other...

For some reason, when I recount this story, I hear really loud circus music in my head.. Don't ask, just go with it.

When he notices me staring at him, he freezes like a deer in headlights for a few seconds, then kind of scurries behind one of the pillars in front of the casino. Dude, REALLY?! Have we devolved so much as a society that we can't even be bothered to use the inside toilet?

So yeah Palms Pee-Man, I'm judging you right now.. Deal with it!

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