5) Going to work on "casual Friday" wearing my favorite pair of sweatpants; the ones with the strategically placed hole in the back.
4) My hard drive has become a cornucopia of porn-oooh-topia!
3) I'm now able to lift small, European cars with my right hand.
2) Fantasizing about Erin, that hot cartoon redhead from the Esurance commercials.
1) Uncomfortably working the word "fingering" into random conversations.