The thing about being unemployed is...

... Beyond feeling like a complete failure at life and a hobo, you have waaaaay too much free time on your hands. I'm the type of person who does not manage idle time well, at all. My mind wanders, I get distracted by cool stuff, etc. Basically, I want to do things when I feel like doing them AND get paid for it. But, that shit is not conducive to any kind of productivity.

I expressed this to my mom the other day, and she blurts out, "it's not too late to become a criminal. Criminals don't have schedules. Remember when you used to steal quarters out of my purse?" Geez, I can't believe that she's still bitter about a few quarters. Let it go, mom, let it go!

This morning, I spent 20 minutes trying to telepathically will an empty toilet paper tube into the garbage. I'm pretty sure that I saw it move, just a smidge. Either I have burgeoning telepathic powers or that ant that I lost sight of was trapped underneath the tube, fighting for its life.

You know what would be awesome?! If I just showed up at my old job, dressed as the one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and just started chatting people up and firing off imaginary emails. I wonder how long it would take for someone to say something to the weird Ninja Turtle loitering in the break room, sipping coffee while smoking a cigar and a cigarette at the same time?



The people at my old job are pretty much non-confrontational hippy types, so, they probably wouldn't do anything until I left for lunch.

Stupid people and their wacky protest signs!

Toss a rock into the air at any protest rally and the chances are very good that the rock will come down on the head of an idiot holding a sign that either a) has nothing to do with the topic of the protest rally, or b) is retarded.

What is it about protest rallies that brings out the wackadoos? It's like they all subscribe to the same newsletter or something. If there's a protest rally within 50 yards of a WalMart, a Cracker Barrel or a Piggly Wiggly, you are guaranteed to see some very interesting signs... Signs that tell us we need to seriously reinvest in public education.

Apparently, this dude is still pissed off at Erin Moran for leaving Happy Days for Joanie Loves Chachi. What? Oh, he's just an idiot who can't spell? Nevermind.


Why is it that severely stupid people always seem so pleased with themselves? This guy could benefit from a good, solid round house kick to the throat. Maybe that would improve his grammar.


Tell-tale signs that you are in the presence of a certifiably stupid wackadoo:
1) Their entire outfit has been crudely fashioned out of the local high school's American flag.
2) They are creating a sign using a discarded piece of cardboard and a crayon they stole from a 7 year old.
3)Not only is their sign misspelled, but the lettering on their sign randomly changes from uppercase to lowercase then back to uppercase.


For the record, I have zero tolerance for stupid people. Honestly, I think they should be shipped off to the Isle of Stupid (it's just off the coast of Fiji) where they can stupidly frolic, do really stupid things and chatter non-stop about stupid stuff.

Cars with too many bumper stickers

I always get a weird, queasy feeling when I find myself stuck behind a car that has way too many bumper stickers on it.

I always get the sense that the person driving that car is just hanging out on top of the 'crazy motherfucker' bubble waiting for it to pop. He's probably one sarcastic remark away from going on a city wide shooting spree and taking out everybody at his job, at his home, at the park, at the zoo and at the local Dennys.