Hey kids, it's time for another snark filled recap of America's Next Top Model: The wee girls...
I know this is late, but, but... I have a life 'ya know? Okay, I really don't, I was just being kind of lazy this week. A thousand pardons, etc, etc.
On with the snark!
When we peek in on the girls, they are all talking about the last photo shoot. Ashley says that she hated being in the bottom two and was surprised when Tyra told her how difficult it was to get a good picture of her.
Cut to Nicole sitting on the floor of the bedroom chattering with some of the girls. Apparently, Nigel told Nicole that she talks like a stoner... then
proceeded to ask her if she was holding.
All of the girls quickly agree that Nicole does, indeed, talk like a stoner... and then they all asked if she was holding.
Meanwhile, Kara is complaining about stuff...
She says that if Nicole or Erin wins, she'll be the "oh, you were on Nicole's season" girl.
She goes on to mumble that she's not a big fan of Nicole's and that she tries to avoid her as much as possible. Whatever goatwoman! The sooner you get booted and have to go back to your job working the nightshift at the Dairy Queen, the happier I will be! Oh, have I mentioned that Nicole is my favorite?
Anywho...
Jennifer laments that Nicole might make it far, but she won't make it all the way.
Apparently, that lazy eye of hers allows her to see into the future.
TYRA MAIL!!!
The girls make their way to a dance studio where they meet up with the fiercest gay man on the planet...
Benny Ninja!
He's gonna teach the girls about dancing, the primary differences between good and bad touch and how to look fierce while standing with your legs really far apart.
Benny emphatically tells the girls that all of the best dancers are short. The only evidence he has to support his claim is... Lil Mama?!
During her Debbie Allen inspired speech to the girls, Lil Mama is interrupted...
One by one, the girls get up and embarrass themselves by displaying their inability to bust a move.
Tiring of their non Footloose like ways, Lil Mama introduces them to some real dancers... The Blue Man Group!
Oh wait, that's not Blue Man, that's the Jabba Walkers! The girls are all excited, even though they have no idea who these guys are.
Lil Mama explains to the girls that they will be doing a performance tonight. She proceeds to break them up into groups of three, and sends them on their way to learn the ways of the dancing.
Their dance needs to express happiness, sadness and anger. Everytime I watch this show, I experience many emotions. Usually, it devolves into yelling and throwing things at my TV screen.
Ashley is not happy about her team, which includes Nicole and Erin. She says that Nicole and Erin are the two least coordinated girls in the house.
At first, I was all... well, maybe they can learn some dance moves, give them a chance. Then, I saw them "rehearsing".
Nicole and Erin look as if they have never voluntarily moved the lower halves of their bodies... ever. It's like they were raised in Beaumont, Tx or something (yes, another Footloose reference. Keep up!).
Suffice it to say that their team performance was positively awful. At the end of their routine, Nicole gave Benny Ninja an extended death stare. He was not impressed.
The Mean Girls' team (Jennifer, Kara and Rae) won. Booo!
When the girls get back to the house, Ashley begins to whine about how depressed she is and saying that she doesn't know what she's doing wrong. Ashley calls her mom and mom gives her a nice pep talk. Good news is, Ashley has an awesome mom. Bad news is, she's probably going home.
The next morning, the girls are awakened by Mr. Jay via video mail.
Whenever I see Mr. Jay, I always have the same thought. That thought is that he reminds me of a gay elf like creature with frosted tips and really tight pants.
Mr. Jay informs them that they are taking a trip to Sin City, Las Vegas for their next photo shoot! Yay!
When the wee models arrive in Las Vegas, they are immediately blind-folded and taken to an undisclosed location where they encounter Mr. Jay's evil twin and his evil minions.
The girls get all dolled up Cirque de Soleil style and prepare for their closeups.
The modelettes strike their poses, but Mr. Jay is not impressed and the girls pickup on this.
Back at the Ponderosa, the girls get some Tyra mail letting them know that one of them will be wished into the cornfield sometime tomorrow.
Kara's in the kitchen talking trash about Mr. Jay saying that he just didn't care enough to give them any kind of constructive criticism. Of course, this means she will probably be in the bottom two this week.
The girls assemble in front of the judges, Tyra, Nigel, Miss J and special guest star, supermodel Josie Maran.
Josie's credits include several cable TV commercials, two episodes of 21 jump Street and that lost episode of Simon & Simon, the one where Rick flips out and shoots up an Ihop. Wait, what?!
The judges slowly strip away at what remains of the modelettes' self-esteem... I mean, they critique the girls' pics from the last photo shoot and then send the girls away so they can talk about them behind their backs.
Not surprisingly, the bottom two this week are...
Kara and Ashley stand before Queen Tyra and await their fate. I was really hoping that Kara would get the boot because she just, kind of, annoys the hell out of me.
Unfortunately, Ashley was asked to pack up her makeup bag and go. Sad panda. I thought for sure that Ashley would go a bit further, especially because she was hand picked by Tyra. Ahh well, that's life in the big city.
Be sure to join me every Friday for my ANTM recaps. Comments, feedback always welcome. Oh yeah, follw me on Twitter www.twitter.com/XanxiuZ
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